Archive for February, 2009

“Heavy Water”



"Heavy" Water - Stronger Grace

"Heavy" Water - Stronger Grace

Sometimes choosing to go deeper with Christ means feeling stripped, clinging to a cliff, afraid of what the leap of trust into stronger grace will bring…

February 11, 2004

I dreamt of a ship that I was on – a pioneering ship like the one Columbus used to sail to the new world.  It was a large passenger ship of sorts – other people were on it – I was not alone.  The details of the journey up to this point weren’t part of this dream, but the focus was, however, shown to me on a diagram or map.  I was told this ship I was on was going to do something exceedingly unusual.  A special device had been built by someone that attached to the bottom of the ship and the ship had been fitted for this.  This device cranked or lowered the ship to traverse a special part of the journey that would bring it to it’s destination.  The ship was going to travel under a giant triangular rock in an underwater cavern/path.  It would emerge to the city at the other side, instead of going way around, which would have been a much longer journey.

I marvelled at this creation and that a ship could do this thing.  It felt like a pioneering journey.  The captain (Jesus?) showed me the picture as He described what would take place.  I wondered about breathing under water as He showed the ship descend.  Special water had been created that humans could breathe.  I was a little scared and apprehensive.  The Captain showed me that  one could breathe under this water.  As I hung back apprehensive the Captain gently took my head and pressed it forward into a column of water which was running down in a stream – it seemed to have a rainbow band running vertically through it.  It was beautiful water – thicker and heavier in substance than regular water (heavy water).  I breathed and found I could.  It was full of oxygen (lifegiving oxygen!) – no discomfort at all to breathe this ‘heavy water’.

The ship began its last leg of this journey that would finish in a most pioneering, incredible way.   I was told the city of my destination would be just ‘under the bend’.

I believe this dream is just one example of my taking another leap of faith in my journey in going deeper with Christ and drinking the ‘heavy water’ – stronger grace – that is available to all.  Note that once I took the leap and was aided to do so by the Captain, there was no discomfort in breathing this ‘heavy water’.  Don’t be afraid to drink in stronger grace with Christ.  It will bring you to your destination – the intended destination for all of us, union with God – sooner:

“For my yoke is easy and my burden light”. 

Matthew 11:30, New American Standard Bible c.1995




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Christ in the Storm

Christ and the Disciples in the Storm


As we begin Lent again this year, we as Catholics and Christians are called to acts of charity, almsgiving and sacrifice.  It is a time to take stock, spiritually.  It is a time to strengthen and nurture our minds, our spirits, our souls.  It is a time to journey deeper with Christ.  Sometimes this journey is only done superficially, if it is done at all – ‘what am I going to give up this year?’  ‘Do I even care?’

Truly journeying with Christ, even if you’re an atheist,  means going deeper – stripping off layers of sin, cleansing ourselves of inordinate attachments and daring to open that big scary door to the courtyard of our souls so that we can begin to heal its brokenness.  It is a very difficult thing to do – a thing many don’t even consider.  So how do we do it?  The answer is simple:  with grace.  This grace is ready and waiting for the soul that asks for it.  Sometimes this asking will simply be a desperate scream for help.  The finest kind of help is available in this grace, which flows from God like a river from an endless fountain.  Sometimes, though, it can seem like this grace is heavy water.  It is hard to breathe.  It is like taking an underwater journey with no oxygen tanks.  It is seemingly impossible.  But, with God, all things are possible.

Lent is often compared to walking into the desert with Jesus.  I think this comparison arises because what we are truly doing is walking into the desert from the world.  But in reality this desert, if you truly journey there, is actually full of water!  The water that is grace.  Jesus is always waiting to guide the ship of our souls, whether you know Him and believe in Him or not.  He is the perfect Captain.  I know that many don’t even want to consider that He is real.  Perhaps being willing to stop and think for a moment about this possibility is your first breath of that grace.  So, I say to you:  Don’t be afraid to open your heart and mind to this possibility.  Put aside everything you think you know and be willing to open the door to the courtyard of your soul – even for just a second.  That act is all that God needs.

Having said that, maybe you are one that already made that step a long time ago.  You read the bible.  You go to church.  But do you read the bible prayerfully?  Do you really go to church in your heart?  Or are you one that sits back, eyes closed, half asleep by the end of the sermon.  Do you actually listen and try to take what you have heard in the sermon or the bible into your week with you?  If you honestly take stock and find that you are one who really doesn’t most of the time, I say to you:  Get ready to plunge your head into heavier water – stronger grace.  You need to breathe in more of this grace in order to truly live!  Maybe you say to yourself at this point – well I would do it if it seemed like everyone else was doing it.  Why should I bother, if everyone else doesn’t seem to.  To that I say, how do you think that we will make this world a more just, loving, peaceful place if we all wait for someone else to do it?  Don’t fool yourself.  It will never happen if you don’t do it.  Next time you read your bible or leave the church, consciously take this intention with you, take a deep breath and ask God for the grace to help you do it.  You will be surprised at how different even your first week will be.  You will be taking in ‘heavier water’ -stronger grace – and people around you will respond to it.  They will be better too.

Perhaps you are one who is reading this and says ‘I already do this, but I don’t feel God.  I don’t feel a difference.’  Indeed, sometimes having a good intention and saying a prayer don’t accomplish what you think it should.  Maybe it is because your soul is weighted down with the anchor of sin.  How much harder it is to sail in your spiritual journey with that anchor dragging you down.  If you knew it was there, wouldn’t you pull it up so that you could fly over the waves?  Hmmmm.  Easy to say, but how does one do that exactly?

First of all, you have to be willing to admit that the anchor is there.  Another Hmmmm.  Maybe this is a good time to share a big secret with you.  Everyone is dragging some kind of anchor!  So don’t let pride fool you into thinking it couldn’t be you.  Please.  Not even for a second.  Knowing it is there is the first step toward making yourself light.  If you don’t go to church, open the scary door and just ask God to help you.  Heavy water – grace – will be there to help you.  If you are in a church community, hopefully you have already asked Jesus to help you and heal you.  If you think you need more help to pull up your anchor, speak to your Minister or someone else you respect for their ‘love and lightness’Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  This is almost the most crucial step in your underwater journey, which is the journey you begin to take when you let yourself be immersed in grace…Please don’t let it be one you don’t take out of fear or pride.  What a shame to come to the end of your spiritual journey to see you dragged that anchor with you when you could have sailedfree.  Nay, even danced on the waves…

If you are in the Catholic Church the answer is at once the most simple and the most difficult:  The Sacrament of Reconciliation.  I can hear the Hmmmm’s again.  I had a dream early on in this journey that showed me that women seem to be the ones making the most use of this sacrament.  I saw that those who go to confession have removed from their boats some pretty heavy anchors.  The confessionals on the men’s side, however, were virtually empty.  Perhaps this sacrament is one that you feel is antiquated, outdated and no longer necessary.  Perhaps you have said your ‘I’m sorry’ to God in your heart, so that you don’t have to face the confessional.  Believe me, I know how difficult this step can be!  As a new Catholic I had to make the brave step of saying my first confession ever face to face with the priest as an adult in 2001!  But it is the teaching of the church that special graces are granted to all in this sacrament.  These graces help you to keep the anchor from dragging you down again.  It is one way we are truly assured in a tangible sense that our errors against love – our sins- are forgiven.  And don’t kid yourself.  We are all broken.  We all err against love at one time or another and need God’s constant help to heal and be better.  Even from a psychological perspective the act of bringing to the surface and naming one’s pains, faults and sins is a release – a ‘load off one’s shoulders’.  Many people have made the step to seek psychological help in their journey.  This is a healthy step towards wholeness.  The confessional is simply the place where we bring these things to the greatest Psychologist of all – Jesus.  This brings me to the next secret I wish to share with you.  The sacrament of confession is a big short-cut to shedding sin and getting rid of your anchor.   What peace this brings to your soul!

Over the course of this journey through Lent I will share with you a supernatural occurrence I had right after I availed myself of this sacrament.  It was a moment when I truly understood the bible passage, The Parable of the Lost Sheep:

Which one of you, having a hundred sheep and losing one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the one that is lost until he finds it?  When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders and rejoices.  And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbours, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’  Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”  Luke 15:3-7, NRSV, Catholic Edition

I know that this whole writing probably sounds to some right now like tough love.  To you I say:  ‘You’re worth it’!  You are that one sinner that heaven waits to rejoice over, whether you know it or not.

Finally, to those who are already doing everything in their power to grow well in love, the continuing steps in that growth are the prayers and acts (works) you do for others.  These works help them to know that they have this anchor, and help them to know they can pull it up.  So many are lost in this world, starving for love and light.  Take as many steps as you can in your journey this Lent (and always!) and be that love and that light for all those starving ones you meet.  It was once you! 

I am personally aghast at the thought that I might not have made it to where I am today in my relationship with God!  It was once me!  Someone’s prayers, sufferings, witness and works helped to save me from drowning because I couldn’t take in God’s grace!   Because of these works I now not only sail, light and free, but I fly…nay, I dance over the waves!  Go deeper this Lent and help yourself and your neighbour to dance.  This is love.  This is our calling.  Do not delay to breathe in stronger grace in your journey, wherever you are at in it.  The life you save could be your own…

To see one of my own deeper breaths of this stronger grace in my journey, visit Heavy Water, published in ‘Spiritual Dreams’.



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Check out the new page entitled “Background” under “About this Website”.  This page is an overview of the supernatural and spiritual experiences that led to the establishment of this website.  I hope you enjoy and benefit from the unfolding journey with me as many of these experiences are brought to light on these pages and may God bless you on your spiritual journey.










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God and His Son, Jesus

God and His Son, Jesus

This dream was one of the many signs and confirmations that I was to share my experiences.

February 9, 2006

I dreamt I sat at a table with many women, some men.  Then a friend’s mother appeared at the head of the table .  She knew I carried much hidden knowledge of the Triune God that I had not been able to divulge, but that now was the time for it to be shared and many were eager to hear what I had to say and share.

Then the Devil tried to disturb the house I was in.  He tried (as an unseen force) to attack people I was with and make objects start to fly around the house.  We turned to the door because he was aiming for the door or trying to drag people out the door.  As I turned around and saw this whirling chaos and fear I asked Jesus to pour His Precious Blood on me and everyone in the house – everywhere.  Immediately the Devil was stopped and someone opened the door to our house and my husband brought in a Guest.

He brought Him to sit at a table with us.  It was God the Father in the figure of a man that looked like a magic man – all dressed in white in long flowing robes with a long beard and a very, very tall top hat that looked like a magician’s hat.  He started to speak to those at the table and His voice had the same resonating thunder-like sound as I have heard before in dreams, but it was softer.  I knew immediately it was God, but others at the table did not recognize Him.  As He spoke I said to everyone around me, “That’s God, you know!”  They were somewhat surprised and started looking more carefully.  I said “That is absolutely God – don’t you recognize Him?  I know Him.”

Then He said to me that ‘the time had come for me to start sharing with people that which I was receiving’.  He stepped up and away from the table and circled the room before going to the door and out to go back to His home.

I followed Him (Of course!).  He walked ahead of me and rounded a corner.  I called to Him, even though He was out of sight.  Even though I could not see Him I knew He was around the corner.  I called “My Holy Papa?” and waited for Him to answer me.  I rounded the corner and He smiled at me as He waited for me to speak.  I said “I love You SO MUCH!”  He smiled again as He faced me and said “I know“.  Then Jesus came out of the home behind Him and stood at the Father’s right side.  Then He turned to walk with Jesus together into Their house and closed the big ornate wooden doors.  Then, all of a sudden, I saw a flood of children break down His door and open it and they all flooded into His House to be with Him…


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My Angel Story

Angel of God

Angel of God

This is a true story of a supernatural experience I had in St. Patrick’s R.C. Church, Fallowfield on December 12, 1999, and one I had published in “Angels on Earth” in 2003.  It was two days after the sudden and unexpected death of my paternal Grandmother,  whom I was so very close to.  

Two days earlier, December 10, 1999, I had been on the phone with the uncle she lived with going over Christmas plans.  A few hours later he called back to say she had passed away…

Because she had been ill with the flu, we had put off getting together for lunch over the previous few weeks.  With Christmas coming the lunch kept getting tucked away in the back of my mind.  Her sudden death left me reeling, and without the benefit of faith the way I have it now, I mourned the thought that I would never see her again.

My husband let me go to church alone that Sunday, knowing I needed it.  I cried throughout the entire mass.  After it was over I stayed in my corner as everyone piled out of the church.  As I kneeled, I buried my head in my arms so no one would see me crying.  Finally, after the priest had tidied up the hymn books in preparation for the next mass, I was left in the church alone.

I was absolutely bereft.  I kept internally kicking myself for not having rescheduled that lunch sooner.  ‘Now I’m never going to see her again! I’m never going to forgive myself!’ I thought.  For almost an hour I silently chided myself.  Finally, with emotion spent, I looked up at the large cross with Jesus on it that hangs near the side entrance of our church.  As I looked up at it I thought ‘I’m not going home.  I’m going to stay here all day.  Guy can watch the children.’

As soon as I had this thought a very unusual, and what I can only describe as supernatural, thing happened.  A blinding light came down from the top of the cross, over me and into me and as it did I was blinded, but shown interiorly the most amazing creative power and energy – it was the most beautiful, effervescent, bubbling, wonderful, creative energy.  With it I felt that one could do anything – amazing creative things.  With it also came an unmistakable awareness and I said to myself with a gasp ‘we each have this inside of us – we just don’t know it!’  Then a voice spoke to me, but I did not hear it with my ears.  It is only since that I have learned it is called inner locution.  Regardless, the voice said – and I’ll never forget it:

“Take this and speak of it at your Grandmother’s funeral.

Offer it as a service to others.”

That was it. Nothing more, nothing less.  Immediately after these words were spoken an unseen something, which I have come since to believe was an angel, lifted me up from my seat and walked me out to my car – to go home to my husband and family who needed me.  I was absolutely not under my own power and was in the blinded state until I was in the parking lot, approaching my vehicle.  It is amazing to me to this day how the incident seemed to blend into my day as I drove home.  It was a gradual dawning over the next few weeks that I had experienced something supernatural…

In the end, I did speak at my Grandmother’s funeral and I related my angel story,  to offer it in service to the many family members there who were going to miss her so much.  But it was the words I closed my eulogy with that have left me wondering.  I’m quite certain they weren’t from me, and I believe they must have been part of the supernatural grace God granted me in the church that day.  Were they words from Him?  Were they words from my Grandmother?  I don’t think I can say, but I will never forget them either:

 “Live your lives!

Love! Learn! 

 And I will be with you each and every day. Amen.”

I realize now that God had great mercy and compassion for me that day, and in my anguish sent an angel with words to encourage and inspire, not just me, but all of those who would hear my story.  I was told to ‘offer it as a service to others’ and so I have.  And maybe, just maybe, there are others, grieving, who are reading this story today who really need to hear what my angel had to say.


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“Take heed O children of the wind, for your time draws near. The Vicar of My Son immolates the people. You, my sentinels in the watchtowers have this to say:


Pride and prejudice shall be no more.  Bastions of security will be found amongst the cities at the gate.  True Presence of My Son becomes a grace for all peoples.  Rivers flow in the desert.


You are called to the watchtower, O sentinel of my people.  The hearts of many grow weary and peace stills.


Guard your hearts, for the thief is coming in the night.  My time is at hand. Grace flows like a river in a desert. Wildflowers grow.  Precious the one who, though weary, immolates my people.


Have faith, My child, for my grace is upon you and you shall see rest. Soon, very soon, I tell you, peace will come to all peoples, for the Day of the Lord is at hand and His justice is sure.


My Heart grows weary at the sight of so much abomination and My Hand can hold no more.  Rise, O you peoples of the East, for the betrayer is at hand, ready to knock on your gate.


Precious the few who stand. They will be like mountains.  Gather my people, the elect, from the four corners of the wind.  Make ready, for the Day of the Lord has come.


Bastions at the gate give heed to the battle cry, for High and Mighty is the Lord.  He has heard My people cry.  Great rain falls upon the peoples and the just shall have their reward.


The time draws near for the Prince of the Heavenly Host to be a champion for the people.  The cry of justice is heard. With a shout does He spring forth upon the people.


Make way, O you land of Jerusalem, for my people cry.  No more is there to be bloodshed and war and abomination in the sight of the Lord.


My hand rests.  True to the Word of God.  Amen

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