Archive for June, 2009


In Part III of this series I shared my personal experience of breaking free of the chains that bind us – slavery to sin.  This experience also showed how our adversary, Satan, tries to keep us bound in sin and fear.  The first step out of this bondage is to acknowledge that there is a choice to be made.  A choice for God, or not.  God is love.  Therefore choosing God means striving to live with love.  It’s that easy, and that hard.

This can especially be a difficult choice if one does not even believe there is a God.  Or a Satan, for that matter.  I must admit it is hard to wrap your head around things you cannot see.  However, we have in Jesus the visible image of the invisible God.  Everything we need to know about our spiritual battle and spiritual truth is in Jesus’s words – in our Bibles.  (We just have to get them out and read them regularly!)  And we have in our world very real circumstances of horrific evil and heroic good – things we see on a daily basis that reflect our deeper, underlying spiritual truth.

The experiences I share on these pages can only be an adjunct to solid spiritual practices made in your journey.  As I have said elsewhere, if you read these writings fairly regularly, but do nothing to get off your computer chair and into church regularly; seeking enlightenment from prayer, holy religious leaders and the Bible, then my sharing won’t be of much help.  In the end, all it can really be is witness to what I have personally experienced along the journey and encouragement for yours.  It is my hope that this witness at least helps you to recognize that you are on a spiritual journey.  Life here on earth is not just some biological accident, as an atheist would like to believe (see a previous writing, ‘Evolution as Creation?’).  Even the fact that we have basic concepts of good and evil as two polar forces in our existence points to the underlying truth of the spiritual life.

This underlying spiritual truth is something I, and I imagine many others, have been graced to see first-hand from time to time.  However, to be honest, I have wondered for many years why I was experiencing the vivid spiritual dreams and experiences that I have.  My spiritual director believes I have been given a gift of ‘inner sight’ – glimpses into the spiritual realm – mostly in the dream state – that show truth about this realm.  Sometimes this truth – ‘seeing’ it directly in the dream state has been quite scary.  I think this is why many people have chosen to believe there is no such thing as Satan or demons – it is much less scary to believe these things don’t exist.  But I tell you:  Recognizing the truth of their existence is a big step toward the safety that is God.  As soon as you begin to make these steps the adversary of our souls begins to lose his power.  You do not need to fear!  His power is limited and is of no real danger to a soul who chooses God, even though he will continue to try to drag you down.  The more a soul decides to work for God, the more the evil spirits do not like it, and I say this because I speak from direct experience, which will be shared on these pages.  However, even though they may rage with everything they have, the soul choosing God is safe.

Part of this safety, for those further along the spiritual path who have chosen God and have committed to the difficult walk towards holiness, is prayer.  This becomes a constant companion, in one form or another.  The higher these souls climb, the more grateful they are to God and to those whose prayers and sufferings helped them get where they are.  They start to share in the desire to pray and help others find their way in the spiritual journey.  Hence this website!  As you will see, though, as these writings unfold, the evil spirits try to quell your efforts.  The following excerpt of a spiritual dream is one of my early experiences of the fear tactics they employ:

April 13, 2002

Dreamt I was in a home that looked like my own.  I was getting set to leave the kitchen to go to bed, but I stop at the stairwell that goes up because I start to see objects moving by themselves in the kitchen.  There is some kind of electrical disturbance in the room. 

I start to recite the prayer to discern spirits (found in this website under Prayers) because Satan has appeared at the top of a darkened stairway to the basement and has come to attack me.  I stumble reciting the prayer because I’m so afraid.  I know I must complete the prayer properly.  I’m not sure if I did or not because I was so afraid.  Next thing I know I am in the kitchen standing squarely facing Satan who is threatening me with a tirade of verbal attack.

I don’t remember what Satan was saying to me, except that it was vile and extremely hostile.  He doesn’t leave his position at the top of the stairs – I don’t think he can come any closer to me.  I leave the kitchen and house to go get help.  (I made a call in real life to my spiritual director – Father Kane.   Blessings from a holy priest of yourself and your home are of great help in combatting their efforts).

I think with a little more effort I could have remembered some of the things Satan was threatening me with, but in real life (when recording the dream) I decided I didn’t really want to know because I was too afraid…

In subsequent experiences I did remember certain things that were said, and where I could not remember verbatim I remembered the nature of the threat.  I have found that the more I have grown in my spiritual journey and the more I have learned to ‘work’ with this gift, the more I have been able to remember verbatim when things have been spoken to me by Satan, Mary, Jesus, God or various saints.  I really do not understand this ‘gift’ and probably never will.  In the end these glimpses of the spiritual realm I share with you will only be a partial picture of the truth presented in the Bible and by the Christian churches, particularly the Catholic Church.  It is my hope that this partial picture is a good fruit for as many people as possible.

The following spiritual dream shows an overall synopsis of the struggle of the spiritual life, with the forces of good and evil, the truth of the two paths we must choose from and the help and protection that is available to souls from Mary, Jesus, God and His holy angels and saints:

May 29, 2002

Dreamt I was in a large whitewater rafting boat going down choppy water.  I am in the boat with other people and the river’s path will take us over a huge, scary waterfall and to some really rough whitewater through a gorge below.  Above this rough river is a bridge.  I am frantically directing people in the boat on what they must do to get the boat into an eddy to escape the waterfall and climb the embankment to safety.  We succeed and I walk down the road beside the river and gorge, hearing the cries of those who could not escape.  I have to decide at this point whether to keep walking or stay and help those still trapped in the river.  I do not leave – instead I go back and am in the river again with another boatload of people repeating the above scenario (trying, directing and saving people).  The second time I see a woman standing on the bank that looks like Mary and I ask her to give me her hand to help pull the lifeboat to safety.  We succeed again.  This time I am lead down a road toward my childhood home.  It has grown very dark.

I am shown by someone that a portal or vortex is being opened up between Heaven and Earth.  Ships (like futuristic spaceships) are entering our atmosphere.  As I watch I am not sure what is going on and whether the ships are good or evil, but I am shown that it is both.  Bad ships and bad entities (spirits) are here attacking people, but I am also shown that there are good ships and good entities (spirits) doing battle with the evil ones to protect and fight for the people who are being attacked by them.

I become alarmed that I should run or protect myself, but then I am shown, before I have a chance to flee, that for every evil entity that tries to attack me, a good entity completely blocks them before they can get anywhere near me, so I don’t even need to worry about it – I am being completely protected and cared for behind the scenes, so to speak.  Me seeing this scene is not something other people can see – they are only feeling the ramifications of the action behind the scenes (in their lives).  To see that I am utterly protected and that I don’t have to even concern myself with this is very reassuring, but I feel some concern about others as I watch this…

Dream language is very symbolic and it was not until later, as I learned more about Catholic Church teaching and biblical symbols that I realized the full extent of what this dream was showing:

The chaotic river is the life out of control – struggling with sin, discouragement, weariness, grief and temptation.  The lifeboat is symbolic of grabbing the lifeline (reaching out to God) to safety out of this river/path – and I believe Mary helps people to do this – even if they are not Catholic (I wasn’t Catholic when she helped me!).  The bridge represents Jesus – One who laid down His life so that we would be able to climb to heaven.  The road is the spiritual walk to holiness (and it is no coincidence that the neighbourhood setting of the dream was Heart’s Desire – it is your heart’s desire – hidden under the pain, disillusionment, fear and fetters of your life).  I was shown that there are good and bad entities on this road – some here to help us and some to try and sabotage our walk.  I have been blessed to see that I am graced with much protection from holy forces on the journey.  They are there working and waiting for you also!

Please, take a moment to reflect seriously on where you think you are at in the above scenario.  Are you in the teeming river?  Have you had dreams about being swept away by chaotic waters?  (I did for many years before I found God).  Are you looking for something, but don’t know what it is?  I know what it is that your heart desires:  God.  Love!!!  Don’t be afraid!  Take my hand!  Climb into the lifeboat to safety!  I am praying for you!


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Guiding Angel

As promised in last week’s writing, this posting will highlight my personal call to the Apostolate of Holy Motherhood.  This spiritual dream was one of the early moments of guidance from God as I was trying to discern His will for me:

 December 6, 2000

Dream of Schoolhouse with Staircases and Baby Handed to Me

I had awoken in the middle of the night and was lying there contemplating all of the unusual dreams and happenings recently and was wondering what it all means. Then I fell back asleep and dreamt the following dream:

I was sitting on a hill with my Father (he was my real father, but I since wondered if it symbolized God, so I have capitalized it). We were overlooking a stream (river) and I was talking to Him about all my unusual dreams and experiences and asking for guidance. As we are overlooking the stream my Father points to an old schoolhouse next to us (it was an old schoolhouse I recognized that is now a Heritage building in real life) and tells me to enter it.

I went at His direction and was with a woman I knew well, but dont remember who it was upon awakening. I was following her around, up and down staircases telling her about my experiences and lastly the angel dream. I was looking for answers. I knew time was running out in the period (I could sense the urgency the movement up and down staircases was endless and very purposeful the bell was going to ring). I looked up at the clock on the wall as I was standing in a landing between two staircases (one up and one down). The clock said 5 minutes to 12. The angel/lady did not seem to be listening to me so I had stopped at this landing slightly dejectedly. She left and I was alone on the landing. As I was standing there wondering where to go, a lady dressed like a nurse came up from the down flight and wordlessly handed me a newborn baby (girl I think). I was shocked. She turned to leave. I ran after her as she went down the flight of stairs and started walking along a downstairs corridor. I was asking her “What does this mean?” She was in a hurry and didnt have time to explain things fully. I said “God wants me to have another baby?” She turned and said “Sign up now before it is too late! Sarah is already dead”. They were keeping Sarah alive on life support she was standing.

I understood right away what she meant. A baby had been born to another woman (The Apostolate of Holy Motherhood…) and they needed a mother to raise the child. I ran up the narrow flight of stairs the lady had pointed to and arrived into a common birthing room. A grandmother (Mary?) in the corner was kneeling and weeping over the death of her child who had just given birth (she died in childbirth and this mother in the dream was named Sarah White).  At least two other women were in the room with their hands up offering to raise the child. I was worried they wouldnt choose me so I spoke up immediately with a loud voice and said “Ill do it!” The grandmother turned to me with great happiness and gratitude and said okay. Her child (the mother who had given birth) immediately came to life and was greeting everyone. I understood she would live for two more weeks before dying and that I would raise her child. The mother was very happy. I woke up.

I found this dream significant because shortly after I realized the “Apostolate of Holy Motherhood in Catholic Families” that I had read a couple of times was actually probably my call from Mary (and God) to be consecrated to her and join the battle for souls. I signed myself up(consecrated myself) and have been fulfilling the requirements ever since.

Great graces are promised to those who join this apostolate and soldiers in the spiritual battle are greatly needed in this time.  If you feel called to this, pray about it,  research this booklet, discuss it with your spiritual director or priest and ‘sign yourself up’ while there is still time…


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Angel Blowing the Last Trumpet


This week we take a pause from the The Face of Satan series so that I can share with you information that will hopefully be one of the tools I speak of in the spiritual battle.  Please check out the addition of the new page entitled The Apostolate of Holy Motherhood“.  In a few days there will be a posting linked to it, “Sign Up Now!” that will illustrate my own personal experience of ‘joining the battle’.

We need more prayer warriors on the good side and I trust that the information in these two writings will be powerful motivation.

God bless you all in your journey.


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Breaking the Chains that Bind

In keeping with the information in the second writing in this series, you will begin to notice, as this series unfolds, that the images which will be linked to these writings will not focus on the evil spirits.

As Father Kane reflected in last week’s writing, these negative images have a way of working in our subconscious and can provoke feelings of fear, anxiety, restlessness and worry.  This website is all about the common good.  This common good is the truth of our God.  This series, therefore, while seeking not to focus on evil, is being shared to witness to the fact that such evil exists – a thing many people in our world no longer believe – a serious danger.

In keeping with this positive focus, all the images you will see in the coming weeks are going to be a representation (as close as I can find one in human images!) of the forces of good – angels etc. – that I have seen that overcome the forces of evil.  I will also include images that represent the truth of the spiritual climb out of sin and darkness and the powerful tools that we truly possess in this battle against Satan and the forces of evil.  The knowledge that evil exists as an entity unto itself, that it is necessary to spiritually renounce this evil (sin and all Satan’s works) and that we have great power and tools to do this, are things that Satan wishes to prevent us from knowing.

We do best to simply renounce Satan and all his works.  So, to that end, in the sharing of information, I will focus on the power of God and the help and protection that is available to all in the spiritual battle.  This website is about empowering and encouraging all who visit it – not provoking fear, worry or anxiety.  Jesus said it best when he said:

In the world you face persecution.  But take courage; I have conquered the world.”  John 16:33, Holy Bible, NRSV Catholic Edition, c. 1993


I have said these things to you while I am still with you.  But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything and remind you of all that I have said to you.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.” John 14:25-27, Holy Bible, NRSV Catholic Edition, c. 1993

And so I give you another example of my continuing walk in the spiritual battle, a battle common to us all:

Monday of Holy Week; March 26, 2002

I dreamt I returned to my house (real home) after a horrible day (I did have a horrible day in real life with regard to some incidents where I work at the gym – (n.b. this is a common, necessary ‘stripping’ which is done for our good as we climb higher on the spiritual path).  I found in the dream, after being in the home for a while that it had been broken into again and that I was robbed.  I was fearful that the perpetrator was still in the house so I went on a search.  I noticed that everything on the upstairs floor was a mess.  My jewelry boxes had been ransacked and my clothes I think.  I also noticed though that nothing of value  had been stolen (think about this for a minute – we often place so much emphasis on the surface, physical possessions and positions of our life, while neglecting the most important thing – our spiritual growth…) .  I knew this because as I looked at all of my possessions I knew it wouldn’t bother me if any of it had been stolen.  I could sense, however, an evil presence trying to get at me so I went back downstairs (the deeper levels of the subconscious) to try to find out what it was.

I tried to call 911 but was put on hold – I felt I had no-one to rely on and would have to help myself (this was true in that lay people, despite their best efforts, are not the best ones to direct souls on the spiritual journey unless they have experienced the climb themselves – even then, as this website seeks to be a companion or guidepost for your journey, there is no substitute for seeking competent spiritual help in the form of a priest, minister, spiritual director etc. to help you in the climb).

Next thing I know it is my deceased Grandmother talking to me on the phone – somehow describing to me what it is like to be dead and struggle to find yourself (she was speaking to someone else on the other end of the line and I could overhear them).  I am surprised that I can hear her talking because I figure it is not something the average person can do.  I’ m trying to explain to other people that I have this gift, but they’re not listening.  My Grandmother says with surprise ‘She can hear me talking!’ and I say ‘Yes, I can hear you and I will work with this and keep listening to you’.

I hang up the phone to go help myself (made a call in real life to my spiritual director – Father Kane!).  As I walk towards the door to exit my house I see an extensive set of knotted ropes all lined up (like fetters?) that the evil one is going to try to bind me, strap me and torture me with.  I say ‘uh-oh, he’s got the ropes out again’ – as if I know he’s tortured me with them before.

I walk right past them and him (the evil presence) and head determinedly to the door.  As I go to open the door a huge evil force tries to push me back and prevent me from leaving.  I catch a glimpse into the outside and it is absolutely black and stormy and terrifying (this represents the unknown and brave steps of the spiritual climb out of the darkness of sin, fear and chaos that the evil one tries to keep us chained in).  The evil force does not want me to have the strength and courage to exit even though the glimpse is scary.

I say something like ‘I’ve been here before and I’m going to walk through this to the light outside because I don’t want to be afraid of this anymore!’  As I keep walking it progressively gets lighter and lighter until it is sunny.  I am proud that I had the strength and courage to do it.  The evil presence has followed me, but I think he’s lost most of his power, because I turn to face him with one of my children in my arms (my most prized possessions) and I say:

I’m not interested in serving you – I want nothing to do with you (this is renouncing sin, Satan and all his works).  I want to serve God!”

I am turned to face the presence quite strongly and I am standing firmly holding my child and I repeat myself a few times.

All of a sudden the unseen evil force turns into a wolf and leaps up to attack me at my throat, I think, as if he’s finally shown his true form and decides to just launch one final all out frontal, undisguised attack in fury at me.  I stand firm holding my child as he jumps at me and I make some comment about how I think maybe this has been the way I’m supposed to have reacted (with courage).  I want to try the new way (God’s way).  I woke up in a cold sweat (who wouldn’t!) and a little concerned, so I invoked the protection of the Precious Blood over me and my family (prudent spiritual protection).


This dream represents a powerful psychic shift from the bondage and slavery to sin, to the health and light of choosing to walk in God’s way – the way of love.  It is an uphill climb.  It is difficult, but it is the best path in the end.  It is one that, despite the pain and hardships, you will truly be overjoyed you had the courage to take.  In fact, you will be aghast that you might not have made the step to walk this path as you get further along it.  I think the following excerpt from the diary of St. Faustina, which I have quoted from before, illustrates this point very nicely:

One day, I saw two roads. One was broad, covered with sand and flowers, full of joy, music and all sorts of pleasures. People walked along it, dancing and enjoying themselves. They reached the end without realizing it. At the end of the road, there was a horrible precipice; that is, the abyss of hell. The souls fell blindly into it; as they walked, so they fell. And their number was so great it was impossible to count them.  And I saw the other road, or rather, a path, for it was narrow and strewn with thorns and rocks and the people who walked along it had tears in their eyes, and all kinds of sufferings befell them. Some fell down upon the rocks, but stood up immediately and went on. At the end of the road there was a magnificent garden filled with all sorts of happiness, and all these souls entered there. At the very first instant, they forgot all their sufferings.”  (Divine Mercy in My Soul:  Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska. c.1993 Congregation of The Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy (Diary, 153).

Father Kane recommends a classic book written about this journey called The Pilgrim’s Progress, by John Bunyon.  By the name pilgrim we can see that it is about a sacred journey where problems ambush the traveller.  This book sheds light on the struggle of walking the good way.  According to Father Kane, it is full of insights and spiritual gems and is well worth the read.

Don’t be fooled.  We are all walking on the road of our spiritual journey right now – here on earth.  Which road will you choose?


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